i think im pmsing.

in the day, i smile and enjoy myself. i make this impression of myself. i mould wad pple think of me.

but in the quiet of the night, on the eve of new year, i cant hide. i cant live in the light of pples expectations becos im alone. i cant change my impression of myself. i face myself in the mirror and i ask myself wad the hell im living for and wad have i achieved in the past year.

sigh. im jusabloodyfreakingliar.

with year 2005, im not sure if i can face up to myself. like who the hell am i kidding. me? in bmt? cmon, ill get slapped in the face w the inevitable disappointment, right smack on the face.

friends, family kai. who have i really made an impact on? do i really have these pple in heart n spirit, bonded by friendship, family ties, love? im disappointed w myself n my life.

at this very moment, the future is bleak. u know something, im somehow not very optimistic abt my relationship. ns is so gonna pull us apart. wads all the talk abt emotional ties. i dun see kai for a few days and i die inside. wad more ns. i want us to jus stay together and never leave. but u know and i know tts impossible. with 12 midnight, it will be 6 days to kai's enlisting and oh wow, wad a nice 19th bday ill be having.